Regina Coeli

Remember, O Most gracious Virgin Maria, that never was it known that anyone who ever fled to thy protection, implored thy help, or sought thy intercession was left forsaken. Inspired by this confidence I fly unto thee O Virgin Maria. To thee I come, before thee I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate despise not my petitions, but in thy clemency hear me and answer me. Amen.

I got mail today. The March / April issue of The Epoch Times. "Truth and Tradition". I never bought it. They just got my address and mailed one to me, hoping I would like it and subscribe. I see ads for their paper on Youtube. They seem to be anti-communist. I believe they are owned by members of the Falun Gong religion that is suppressed by the Chinese government. From the ads, they seem to be right-leaning and conspiratorial. I will read it and see if it is good, but will not subscribe. I also got the Regina Coeli report. It is about seeing God in nature. There is a picture of cute children looking at a praying mantis and another picture of a cute girl holding a monarch butterfly on her hand and cute children looking at it in awe. I have been seeing God in nature. In the mourning doves and the sparrows. A few butterflies and bees but there will be more of them in a month or two.

For what it's worth. Our family is holding up together during the quarantine. We do our things and come together in the evening for dinner. Mom has me lead the blessing before meals. I enjoy cooking. Especially making soup. I enjoy making soup more than perhaps any other kind of food. I save the scraps of the onions and the carrots and the celery we use and the stems of the parsley and keep them in the freezer until I have a big bag and I boil them until the broth is brown. Sometimes I add chicken, and of course some bay leaves and salt, maybe some thyme. We had a turkey for Mother's Day so my brother wants me to boil the carcass into turkey stock. Why not? Would that work? Why not? What type of soup would that be?

I really like watching vespers at noon. Really listening as there is nothing to watch, just a dozen monks standing and singing in a bare room. But the singing is very calming. Even though I do not know enough Latin to understand most of their prayers. I know it is vespers. Lately they are chanting the Litany of the Blessed Virgin Mary near the end.

For three Sundays in a row my father drove me to Holy Innocents in the city. They have the Church open with the Blessed Sacrament exposed. So I like to go and look at Jesus. He looks at me. My favorite prayer is just looking at Jesus in the monstrance. And at home I look at my pictures of Gemma. You become like the things and the people you look at. So if you are always looking at Jesus you become like Jesus. If you are always looking at pictures of Gemma you become like Gemma. If you are always looking at the devil's tabernacle you become like the devil. I don't see how anyone can save his soul while watching television. Even if all he watches is EWTN. I recently read an account of a miracle and a conversion. Someone was watching television trying to go to the pornography channel but instead he saw Mother Angelica. He kept changing the channel and no matter what channel he went to he saw Mother Angelica. And he started listening to her and he converted and became a Catholic. But you become like what you look at. So take custody of your eyes and only look at the good and the beautiful. Or if you do look at the ugly and the wicked, be careful to look at the good before and after to prepare yourself and to heal. An hour or two in front of Jesus in the monstrance can last a whole week! Who needs to receive Communion in your mouth if you can receive Him with your eyes!

I feel like I am benefiting from the quarantine spiritually. I appreciate Jesus more now that he is hidden from me. I cannot go to Communion, but I can love Jesus in the world and invisibly where I know He is in the Church that is locked, and then once a week where I can see Him, even though I can not receive Him. One only has to receive Jesus one time in one's life and it can last and give graces forever. Mary of Egypt repented of her sins and went to confession and received Communion one time and fled into the desert. She lived alone for fifty years and became the greatest of saints because of that one Communion. And then God sent a priest to her in the desert and he gave her one last Communion and on the day she received Him she died and went to heaven. If one receives often one would think one would become holier, but often one becomes complacent. I think I am better off now being unable to receive. I feel I am doing better and being nicer. And I am praying more and helping out my family more and doing what I am told. I am one of those Jansenists who think people receive Communion too often and that it would be better if Communion happened privately and not during Mass when everyone feels pressured to go up whether or not they are well disposed. One can say, well Pope Pius X was a saint and he promoted frequent Communion so it must be good, but as soon as he promoted it the Church fell apart and many of her members descended into depravity. But I am not really a Jansenist. I once was one, I believe. For at times in my despair While I was a new convert and the devil was attacking me and burning me I felt as if I was a sinner and that I had no free will but everything I did was controlled by the devil and I could do no good no matter what because the devil was pulling my strings. I guess that is one of the Jansenist ideas.

Of all the things I hope happen because of the quarantine, I hope people will appreciate Jesus more in the Eucharist, and Church in general. And I hope people will become less materialistic. BUt that is not likely if they watch the devil's tabernacle or netflix. Oh well. My parents have a television in our house. I hate it. I never watch it. Sometimes they leave it on after they leave the living room and I turn it off.

My mother does not like classical music. When we go in the car I like putting on one of the two classical music stations but she was complaining today and turned it off. How can someone not like classical music? It was a good song too, I don't know the name, but it was beautiful. It is probably because she watches television.

I feel often like I am alone. I am a sheep but where is the shepherd? I see Jesus in the monstrance, He is my shepherd. But He is my Godly shepherd, where is my human shepherd. I go to Church and at Church there is a priest, Father S who hears my confession. Yes, he is my shepherd. But I am alone now. He is not saying Mass. He called me twice and I was happy to speak with him, but he has never visited my house with Jesus.

When I watch the monks sing the office every day at noon, sometimes I wish I was with them. I live with my family and my mind is broken so I can not join them and if I did I am sure there would be struggles, but it seems like a nice life. To be taken care of and to be always before Jesus. These monks pray before the monstrance often. They are Benedictines who wear black habits. I do not know what kind of work they do but I like reading their blog and listening to them chant.

I hope people become less materialistic. Money is the ring. Greedy people. I do not need many things. I have a computer and my pictures of Gemma, and I need a little food, and I like coffee and diet soda and beer. That is a lot of things already. But I feel happy. I do not need a lot of money. I would be happy to live a completely subsistence lifestyle where I was not in danger of starvation, but had no excess, and just lived a quiet, happy life, as I do now. I am so lucky to have my family to help take care of me.

While I was walking today I saw a young girl about seven or eight years old wearing shorts and a tee shirt. She was twerking, if that is the right word. I looked at her face. She looked like she was very cold. Such a young one.

When I was at fire Island this summer we were in my uncle's house and they saw the rocket man, a man who flew up in the air from the sea on a rocket of propelled water and they watched him fly. My father took a video. Rocket man.