Mockingbird

A few days ago I was out on my walk, near the house owned by the witch and the pirate. The house has a beautiful garden and the woman who keeps the garden looks like a witch and her husband looks like a pirate with tattoos. They have a daughter who is in her twenties. There are so many rose bushes of different colors and other flowers. It is a beautiful garden. Well the other day as I was walking a bird flew near my head and then pulled up right before hitting my head. I felt the wind from his wings on the back of my neck. I looked up and it was a mockingbird. Strange.

Today, a few minutes ago I was on the same walk (almost every day I go on the same two walks, first, to 102nd street, and second, to Atlantic Avenue) and again a mockingbird flew right at my head. It was almost attacking me, dive bombing me and pulling up right before hitting my head. A warning. It did so three or four times, a mockingbird. There were two of them. So they must have a nest somewhere near the witches' garden and they were protecting the eggs from me. It is by the sidewalk where many people walk, so I wonder if the mockingbirds are always attacking the pedestrians and if they attack the witch and the pirate when they are in their garden.

My father told me the other day that a family they knew who owned a house at Fire Island let a young writer live in their house for one summer so that she could have free time to write a book. Her name was Harper Lee. The book she wrote was To Kill A Mockingbird, the famous novel they make everyone read in school.

So the mockingbirds attack me on my walk. If this continues I may have to change the route of my walk, and not go past the beautiful garden but walk across the street.

I got an email from one of my blog's readers that was very nice. I worry that people will not like my blog. I have a few readers. It is hard to tell how many from the stats but it is not a lot. You are la creme de la creme. An exclusive club.

Still praying the Office of the Dead for someone. It feels like I do not pray at all. I have my little prayers and then I go for my walks and make dinner. It is not exhausting at all. I am happy. That seems to be the common theme of my blog, how happy I am. I am fortunate, for now. The future may be bleak. Since I last got out of the hospital I have been praying a lot. And I have been happy. When I first became religious I started praying the fifteen decades of the Rosary every day and since then I missed only one day in so many years. But for a long time I did not always pray more, now I pray more. If is a good way to relieve stress and advance contentment. I do not always say my prayers in the most devout way. When I pray the Rosary because my mind is broken I can not meditate as that function of my mind is out of order, but I say all the words. Usually in Latin, but sometimes in English. And at three I pray the stations, I have fourteen different ones that I pray, a different one each day. Perhaps I should stick to one until I memorize it. And I look at my holy pictures. And I look at Jesus' house and now on Saturdays at Jesus. I wish you happiness and peace.

The common birds in my area are rock doves, mourning doves, sparrows, starlings, mockingbirds, robins, and blue Jays. Sometimes I see cardinals, on rare occasion woodpeckers, and sometimes, lately at least, orange orioles. There is also a family of peregrine falcons. They like to sit on the local Church's steeple. Sometimes various gulls come here from the seashore. I live on Long Island, but not close to the sea, but sometimes the gulls come inland to where I live. Those are all the common birds I see in my neighborhood. Oh yes, on the other side of the Avenue and to the East there are grackles also. I rarely see other birds at all. I love birds. Few things are as beautiful as a bird on the wing, and it is rare for man-made music to reach the heights of the music of the birds. Even simple calls are wonderful. I do not think most people have eyes to see or ears to hear and that is part of why everyone is so miserable. Because they are blind because they do not have God in their souls. My neighbor Elvia is a Catholic. She told me she is happy because she has God in her heart. I hope it is true.

Regina Coeli

Remember, O Most gracious Virgin Maria, that never was it known that anyone who ever fled to thy protection, implored thy help, or sought thy intercession was left forsaken. Inspired by this confidence I fly unto thee O Virgin Maria. To thee I come, before thee I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate despise not my petitions, but in thy clemency hear me and answer me. Amen.

I got mail today. The March / April issue of The Epoch Times. "Truth and Tradition". I never bought it. They just got my address and mailed one to me, hoping I would like it and subscribe. I see ads for their paper on Youtube. They seem to be anti-communist. I believe they are owned by members of the Falun Gong religion that is suppressed by the Chinese government. From the ads, they seem to be right-leaning and conspiratorial. I will read it and see if it is good, but will not subscribe. I also got the Regina Coeli report. It is about seeing God in nature. There is a picture of cute children looking at a praying mantis and another picture of a cute girl holding a monarch butterfly on her hand and cute children looking at it in awe. I have been seeing God in nature. In the mourning doves and the sparrows. A few butterflies and bees but there will be more of them in a month or two.

For what it's worth. Our family is holding up together during the quarantine. We do our things and come together in the evening for dinner. Mom has me lead the blessing before meals. I enjoy cooking. Especially making soup. I enjoy making soup more than perhaps any other kind of food. I save the scraps of the onions and the carrots and the celery we use and the stems of the parsley and keep them in the freezer until I have a big bag and I boil them until the broth is brown. Sometimes I add chicken, and of course some bay leaves and salt, maybe some thyme. We had a turkey for Mother's Day so my brother wants me to boil the carcass into turkey stock. Why not? Would that work? Why not? What type of soup would that be?

I really like watching vespers at noon. Really listening as there is nothing to watch, just a dozen monks standing and singing in a bare room. But the singing is very calming. Even though I do not know enough Latin to understand most of their prayers. I know it is vespers. Lately they are chanting the Litany of the Blessed Virgin Mary near the end.

For three Sundays in a row my father drove me to Holy Innocents in the city. They have the Church open with the Blessed Sacrament exposed. So I like to go and look at Jesus. He looks at me. My favorite prayer is just looking at Jesus in the monstrance. And at home I look at my pictures of Gemma. You become like the things and the people you look at. So if you are always looking at Jesus you become like Jesus. If you are always looking at pictures of Gemma you become like Gemma. If you are always looking at the devil's tabernacle you become like the devil. I don't see how anyone can save his soul while watching television. Even if all he watches is EWTN. I recently read an account of a miracle and a conversion. Someone was watching television trying to go to the pornography channel but instead he saw Mother Angelica. He kept changing the channel and no matter what channel he went to he saw Mother Angelica. And he started listening to her and he converted and became a Catholic. But you become like what you look at. So take custody of your eyes and only look at the good and the beautiful. Or if you do look at the ugly and the wicked, be careful to look at the good before and after to prepare yourself and to heal. An hour or two in front of Jesus in the monstrance can last a whole week! Who needs to receive Communion in your mouth if you can receive Him with your eyes!

I feel like I am benefiting from the quarantine spiritually. I appreciate Jesus more now that he is hidden from me. I cannot go to Communion, but I can love Jesus in the world and invisibly where I know He is in the Church that is locked, and then once a week where I can see Him, even though I can not receive Him. One only has to receive Jesus one time in one's life and it can last and give graces forever. Mary of Egypt repented of her sins and went to confession and received Communion one time and fled into the desert. She lived alone for fifty years and became the greatest of saints because of that one Communion. And then God sent a priest to her in the desert and he gave her one last Communion and on the day she received Him she died and went to heaven. If one receives often one would think one would become holier, but often one becomes complacent. I think I am better off now being unable to receive. I feel I am doing better and being nicer. And I am praying more and helping out my family more and doing what I am told. I am one of those Jansenists who think people receive Communion too often and that it would be better if Communion happened privately and not during Mass when everyone feels pressured to go up whether or not they are well disposed. One can say, well Pope Pius X was a saint and he promoted frequent Communion so it must be good, but as soon as he promoted it the Church fell apart and many of her members descended into depravity. But I am not really a Jansenist. I once was one, I believe. For at times in my despair While I was a new convert and the devil was attacking me and burning me I felt as if I was a sinner and that I had no free will but everything I did was controlled by the devil and I could do no good no matter what because the devil was pulling my strings. I guess that is one of the Jansenist ideas.

Of all the things I hope happen because of the quarantine, I hope people will appreciate Jesus more in the Eucharist, and Church in general. And I hope people will become less materialistic. BUt that is not likely if they watch the devil's tabernacle or netflix. Oh well. My parents have a television in our house. I hate it. I never watch it. Sometimes they leave it on after they leave the living room and I turn it off.

My mother does not like classical music. When we go in the car I like putting on one of the two classical music stations but she was complaining today and turned it off. How can someone not like classical music? It was a good song too, I don't know the name, but it was beautiful. It is probably because she watches television.

I feel often like I am alone. I am a sheep but where is the shepherd? I see Jesus in the monstrance, He is my shepherd. But He is my Godly shepherd, where is my human shepherd. I go to Church and at Church there is a priest, Father S who hears my confession. Yes, he is my shepherd. But I am alone now. He is not saying Mass. He called me twice and I was happy to speak with him, but he has never visited my house with Jesus.

When I watch the monks sing the office every day at noon, sometimes I wish I was with them. I live with my family and my mind is broken so I can not join them and if I did I am sure there would be struggles, but it seems like a nice life. To be taken care of and to be always before Jesus. These monks pray before the monstrance often. They are Benedictines who wear black habits. I do not know what kind of work they do but I like reading their blog and listening to them chant.

I hope people become less materialistic. Money is the ring. Greedy people. I do not need many things. I have a computer and my pictures of Gemma, and I need a little food, and I like coffee and diet soda and beer. That is a lot of things already. But I feel happy. I do not need a lot of money. I would be happy to live a completely subsistence lifestyle where I was not in danger of starvation, but had no excess, and just lived a quiet, happy life, as I do now. I am so lucky to have my family to help take care of me.

While I was walking today I saw a young girl about seven or eight years old wearing shorts and a tee shirt. She was twerking, if that is the right word. I looked at her face. She looked like she was very cold. Such a young one.

When I was at fire Island this summer we were in my uncle's house and they saw the rocket man, a man who flew up in the air from the sea on a rocket of propelled water and they watched him fly. My father took a video. Rocket man.

Fire Island

My family and I visited my uncle Harry's beach house at Fire Island. It is in the village of Saltaire. It was a great trip. We went on a ferry ride had a steak dinner and had friends over and we went to the yacht club where a girl was singing pop songs. I was not a fan of the music but the singer was very talented. I thought she was a seductress. Dinner was great. I prepared corn and together with my mom we made a salad. And Harry grilled the steaks. When dinner came around there was an extra piece of corn. We thought there were four whole pieces of corn and two half-pieces, but it turned out there were five whole pieces of corn and two half-pieces. And my cousin Sarah said it was like the multiplication of fishes after the Sermon on the Mount. I clearly remember there being five corns because we threw the sixth one away because it was rotten. But when it came time to eat there were six. Bless the Lord for providing for his children.

Before dinner came I walked to Fair Harbor. Walking to Fair Harbor is a ritual of mine when I visit Saltaire. It beings back childhood memories. My favorite part of Fire Island is walking from Saltaire to Fair Harbor and back. I brought my dad's camera and took pictures. I took pictures of butterflies, a dragonfly, and deer, and other pictures. I will post them on my instagram by tomorrow. I got some beautiful pictures of two Monarch Butterflies holding on to each other. I thought they were mating! What a treat!

At Fair Harbor I got ice cream from "ufriendly's". I got a cone with sprinkles. The flavor was "Pirate's Treasure" and I ate it. One of the little kids winked her eye at me. I smelled smoke coming from the restaurant. Then I checked out "Corliss' By The Bay" but did not buy anything. Then I walked home.

On the way there I passed the Church where I was Baptized and took two pictures. I prayed in the garden before the broken crucifix. There were stones at the foot of the Cross. One encouraged me to trust in Jesus and one said "She Loves You With All Her Heart". I wonder who put them there. A message from Jesus and the Blessed Mother. I took a picture of the stones and will put it up with the other pictures. On the way back I passed the Church and looked inside at the exact moment of the elevation of the Victim after the consecration, so I genuflected and then walked home. Perfect timing.

In the morning I looked at birds and we made breakfast. My mother and I. Egg sandwiches. Then I got on the ferry and took the LIRR to go to Penn Station for Mass at St. Christopher's On the way there I prayed at Holy Innocents and Our Savior. It was a good trip to  Fire Island and pictures are coming! Thanks, Harry (and Mary). His father was a daily communicant and for a short while during World War II he was Padre Pio's driver. May God Bless him and let us hope he is in heaven and pray for him in case he is in purgatory.