A Woman

I find it is easier for me as a man to love a woman than to love a man. So I find it more natural to love Mother Mary than to love Jesus. Or even to love a lesser creature, my Gemma. I love Jesus also, but I do not feel it as much. As much as I love Our Mother or my Gemma.

This is a strange picture that I really like. It is so very strange, but I like strange things. It reminds me of The Glories of Mary. I just finished talking with Julian a few minutes ago. My best friend. He is sad because he lost his favorite aide at the nursing home. Her name is Latoya.

I am listening to an interview with a very young priest of the SSPX who is about to become the District Superior of Canada. It just started. I hope it is good. It is how I am spending my evening tonight. He looks younger than me. But he went through schooling. Right now they are going into Baptism of Desire type ideas in relation to separated brethren and partial communion.

I lately have been praying more. I should pray even more. I love praying. But I might get tired of it if I did it too much. I have vague wishes that I were a monk. Something which is not possible because of my infirmities. But I would love to be a brother in some little monastery somewhere where they prayed the old office and Mass. There are not a lot of them so they can be picky. No crazies. I can be like Saint Benedict Joseph Labre. A crazy who loves God very much. 

Often I look at pictures of a girl named Danica. She posts pictures and videos of herself smoking cigarettes on Instragram. I used to know her and had a big crush on her. A penny for the world. I would rather have. A penny for the world. The interview is interesting. A little girl.

Tomorrow I am going to the indult Mass again. It is better than no Mass. A long time ago I was of the opinion that one should not go to the indult Mass but it was okay to go to the Eastern Rites. But now after four months of no Mass I am okay with the indult. They are compromised priests I guess. But as I think they are valid, Jesus is really there.

The Belle of My Heart. The interview. The interviewer is trying to square the circle of magesteriums. I do not know if it is true, but I once heard that the idea of the "magisterium" and the "ordinary magisterium" was invented by a supposedly conservative theologian who happened to have sexual affairs with nuns in the times of Pius IX. Brides of Christ. 

The times are fleeing. The interviewer is talking about Athanasius Schneider who he interviewed, that is high profile. And now he is asking about it. The priest is trying to defend themselves. Comparing Lefebvre to St Thomas More. The interviewer is sympathetic to the priest, talking about how the sodomites are all accepted but only the SSPX are reviled.

So the milk of Mary. I do not know. The Belle of My Heart. I do not know. To love her I know, but all I want is . . . .

After Mass today we ate. Mom and dad came, Mom went to Mass with me. On the way back to the car a crazy black woman started yelling at me. She said something like "Do you own the Duane Reade? Do you won the Walgreens. No! You ain't own nothing." Then she walked away. I had no idea what she was yelling at me about or why she was yelling.