On Traditional Catholicism

I would consider myself to be a traditional Catholic. I have been in those circles since at first, 2008, when I started praying the Rosary and somehow found out about such things on the internet. The first time I went to an SSPX Mass was in 2008 or 2009. I went for a couple of months. Then I had my vision at Mass which instilled in me the fear of God. At the same time of my conversion I started to go crazy. After that I went to the Novus Ordo for about a year, afraid to go back to the Mass where I had my vision. And then in 2010, I believe the week after Easter, but my memory is horrible, I went back again. And I have been going there since.

My thoughts have changed over time. For a long time I was on the right of the traditional wagon, almost being a sedevacantist if you know what that means. I used to think that the Novus Ordo Church did not have true sacraments, as the changes invalidated them. And that only among tradition and in the Eastern Rites that did not change were the sacraments to be found (other than baptism and matrimony). Even among the sedevacantists there are degrees. The most interesting  ones are the home-aloners. They think that the Novus Ordo is not valid, but that also the traditional priests are not licit either as they are wolves and not shepherds and that the only way to serve God is to not go to Mass, stay home alone and pray the Rosary and read Holy Books. Now I am still a traditional Catholic, but a more moderate one. I now accept the Novus Ordo sacraments as valid, for the most part. But I still go to my SSPX Latin Mass as I think it is better than the Novus Ordo Mass which I do not like, but accept as valid. I guess what it comes down to is if 99.9 percent of the Church could have no Jesus, what kind of a Church is that? Or if the sedevacantists are right, the Church is a few thousand laymen and men with stolen orders who excommunicate themselves. I sometimes wonder if the reason some public sedevacantists are liberals on the dogma "Outside of the Catholic Church There is No Salvation" is because in their hearts they know that if they are correct the sedevacantist sect they belong to alone is the true Church, and not even all sedevacantists, the sect of maybe ten thousand people, and everyone else is going to hell. So not willing to accept the belief that only one in a million men are saved (not counting the baptized infants who die) they deny the dogma as being too harsh. So now I consider the sedes to be schismatic for the most part, though no doubt many of them are honest and not guilty of the sin of schism. And I do not trust the priests, but I should not say bad things about them individually (though I have said bad things about Father Cekada in the past).

So I attend an SSPX chapel which is a moderate traditional Catholic position. There is a group mis-named "the resistance" which split off from the SSPX about eight years ago, but has not grown and is very small and considers the regular SSPX to have sold out. I am sympathetic to them, and I like their Bishop, Williamson enough, but I say to them, the Novus Ordo has to be at least in part the Catholic Church, and if it is, and you accept the papacy of Francis, you should have some kind of relationship with them. If he says, "no, you can not say the Latin Mass", then I see reason to disobey, but one cannot be a sedevacantist in all but name, while claiming to be against them.

So I am a liberal now. But I am all alone by myself now. I used to never attend the Novus Ordo Mass or even the "indult" which is what we call the Latin Masses officially under the diocese. But now I will attend the "indult" if there is no other Mass available. And once in a blue moon I will even attend the Novus Ordo, but only to avoid scandal. Such as if there is no Mass available while I am traveling and it is either attend the Novus Ordo with my family or go to no Mass at all. In such cases I just sit there and pray silently. But I like going to the Novus Ordo Churches when there is no Mass going on to sit in front of the tabernacle and be with Jesus. And even in the Novus Ordo, I like going to Eucharistic Adoration and Benediction is nice. So I am now a moderate traditional Catholic. I hope that there are many Catholics among the Novus Ordo worshipers, though I know that a lot of them don't really believe. I hope there are good people among the worshipers there who believe the sex is for marriage and marriage is for life and Jesus is present in the Eucharist and that Adam and Eve were real people.

But recently for the first time I received the Blessed Sacrament at an "indult" Mass as a sign that I thought Jesus was there and of my new liberal stance.

Karen wants to go with me to Connecticut for Mass during this crisis as the closest SSPX Mass that is open. I may go. But Karen does not approve of going into Novus Ordo Churches. There are devils there, she says. So I don't tell her I go there to pray. I am alone. But it would be nice to go to Church again. It has only been a few weeks but it seems like months. I should go to confession to confess an old sin that I was thinking about which caused me nerves a few weeks ago. So be it.