The Fly

 

Today is Friday. I go to Eucharistic Adoration and Benediction at the local Church. In case Jesus is still there, I go to honor Him. At three I pray the stations in front of the monstrance and then I pray the Rosary. Fifteen decades. There is the fly. The devil comes to bother me for a few moments, buzzing around my ears. I finish praying and go home. At six thirty I go for Benediction. I pray and think and meditate and pray. The fly returns. The devil buzzes around me ears. To and fro, here and there. Just before the ceremony begins, the fly lands on my right hand. I feel him. I do not move. Then the fly goes away, the devil buzzes around my ears. I look at Jesus, if Jesus is still really there. I think He is. Julian does not. Julian once told me that his mother used to go to Benediction and one time she told him that when she looked at the monstrance she did not see the face of Jesus, but instead she saw the face of the devil. I think Jesus is there. But if he is not the devil can not harm me. I am not afraid of the devil. Sometimes I fear God's justice. That I have sinned so much that I cannot be forgiven. But usually I am fine. I pray to Jesus and to Mary and to Gemma.

Being visited by flies as I pray in the Church is a recurring theme. It is never a fly. It is the devil. The Lord of the Flies. He wants to distract me or to make me afraid.

It is something I have been doing since I got out of the hospital. I do not like the Novus Ordo. But I think it is valid. So Jesus is really there. So if I go before Jesus in the tabernacle it is good. And I keep Him company. In the Novus Ordo there are not that many who have the true faith and love Jesus. So I will love Him. But I do not want to go the the Novus Ordo Mass because I think it is bad. So I walk the line. Cross myself as I pass the Church, and genuflect before the tabernacle.

My uncle George is a Russian Orthodox. But he belongs to a strict Church. He is not in Communion with most of the other Churches in Orthodoxy. We went to his granddaughter's baptism at a monastery and he spoke about how he sung at the ceremonies but did not go to Communion because he was not in Communion with the monastery where his granddaughter was baptized. And he thought the schism was getting out of hand and it would be better if all the sects would be in Communion with each other. But not under Rome. It seems all the Orthodox share a distrust of the Pope and Rome.

My uncle's mother just died. She was orthodox. EENS. So she is in hell most likely. I heard on one of the forums that the Orthodox do not have their own version of EENS, so they hold that those outside of orthodoxy might be saved. But they are territorial and prone to schism. Charles Coulombe says that In the West we will accept any amount of heresy but no schism, but in the East they will accept any amount of schism but no heresy. And both halves of what should be the one united Church are meant to be corrective of each other's tendencies. Mithrandylan once said on one of the forums that he used to watch all of Charles Coulombe's lectures with Professor Biersach and he watched hours and hours and he thought they were enlightening, but later on after he became a more knowledgeable Catholic, that he couldn't think of a single important thing he learned from those lectures.

It is the devil. The fly. I do really believe in the devil. I do not want to be a witch but I believe they are real. I do not know what powers witches have, but I think their powers are increased greatly now that there are so few good Christians and so many abortions. As man abandons God, God abandons the people to the witches and the vampires. I do wonder if the end of the world is near. I think it is. But Tom says that the Garabandal warning will come first. But Joey Lomangino died blind. And then the Consecration of Russia and then the period of peace and only then the end of the world. I am not so hopeful. I fear the end is nigh. And the antichrist is here and the mark of the beast is the vaccine or something related to it. I told Tom that I would give him twenty dollars if the Warning happened while we were still alive and together in this valley of tears. The warning. What would you do if you could see the state of your soul as it was before the judgement seat of Jesus Christ? Would you go to confession? Or would you hate God even more. I fear many will hate God even more.

So I am home and tomorrow we are going to the orthodox funeral to pay our respects. In this world of pain. I saw a fly and he landed on my right hand in Church as I was looking at Jesus.

Sparrows

On my second walk today I was nearing Jamaica Avenue on the way home when I looked to my left and saw a huge gathering of sparrows. As I neared them they flew away and landed a few yards from where they first were. Then I cried out "Where are you going sparrows?" They flew away again, several dozen of them. They flew right into the path of a young black man who was walking the other way. Some of the sparrows flew right into him and crashed into him. We were both surprised. He yelled out "What the . . . ?" And I laughed. I had never seen sparrows accidentally flying into a person as a group. Usually the little birds are infallible. It was neat, I thought.

There is a fly in my room. He is crawling on the inside of the window screen. The window is open. Flies are signs of the devil. The evil one may be near.

A Fly

So I was sitting in Church and praying. And there was a big fly flying around the Church and as one woman was kneeling on the prie-dieu the fly came near her and she tried swatting it away with her hands a few times.

As I was reading my prayer book the fly landed on my prayer book and I kept still and it started crawling along the top of the book as I was praying, holding the book in my hands. The front, then for a moment the back. It was not afraid of me. And I stared at it and thought: "This is not a fly. This is the devil, come to visit us and disrupt our prayer". It is a thought I have sometimes. Then it flew away but it came to land near me on the pews a few times and crawled about a bit and then it went away and I no longer saw it. It was a big ugly black fly, hairy, with black eyes.

Sometimes I am afraid of flies as I see them as signs of the devil. The same with moths and water bugs and cats. Especially water bugs. I know it sounds superstitious.

A House Mouse

As I sit in the living room there is a mouse in our house. He scurries back and forth in the dining room and when I move, he runs away quick as a flash of lightning. When I am not moving he goes right and left under the table, toward the book case, and then flees under the record player.

Once he came into the living room where I was, went under the couch and then under the very chair where I was sitting, drinking coffee. Then when he was right under me I moved and he ran away. The mouse is my friend. I do not want him to eat the cheese in the traps my father sets for him and be killed by the trap. I wonder what vegans do about mice? Do they have little boxes that trap them unharmed and then bring them out of the house and release them outside?

I read an image that struck me. The image was of little flies. We people are like little flies hovering here and there and trying to reach the sun, which is Jesus, Our God. In our vain little attempts to fly we are like little house flies who are trying to fly towards the sun. Without assistance it would be impossible. But if the sun were to come down to earth and pick us up, then we could be saved. One brother noticed how sometimes when flies are trapped inside a house they spend all of their effort in trying to fly through the window when there is no escape until in the end they are exhausted and fall dead on the windowsill. And then the brother sweeps up the flies and puts their dead bodies in the garbage and throws them away.

Sometimes in my paranoia I am afraid of flies. I see them as images of the devil. If he is the "Lord of Flies" the houseflies must be his servants. And when there is a fly buzzing around one's house it is a sign that the devil is near, and that perhaps he is my master. But not so with the mouse. Mice are our friends. They have warm blood and they are beautiful, more than I can say of the little houseflies.

So I just wanted to record the house mouse and the thought about the houseflies. Something that interested me that I would surely forget if I did not record it here. My day is going well as all days have been going lately. I learned recently that my therapy will resume a week from today, Monday. I am happy. We can talk about my life. It is happy now. With my house mouse.

I don't know why. Maybe because I am thinking quietly and praying more. But every time I leave the house and go out into the world I am very happy. I look at the sky and it is so very beautiful. The clouds. And the birds as has been the case for a while. But the beauty of the world overwhelms me and I am happy. I don't know why but it is good.