Fasting Again

 I have gained a lot of weight since this covid nonsense started. I have been eating more, and also drinking beer. So I decided to stop and lose weight again. Actually the weight gain really began when I got out of the hospital almost two years ago, but it got worse since covid. I ate more, and stopped going out for my two daily walks during the winter.

So now I started going on my two daily walks again. And starting yesterday I am fasting. It will be slow going, as I do not have the will built up yet. The immediate goal is to eat two meals a day, not counting tea. A half of a tuna melt, or alternatively two pieces of toast with butter and jam, at noon time. And a normal dinner, whatever I make for my family at night. I am not going to eat a separate meal of rice and lentils as I did the last time I fasted. But that is for now, I may switch as time goes on. On Sundays I will not fast, and sometimes I will allow myself to take some beer. But still eat less than I normally would.

On day one I did well. I had my two meals and took a little extra food in between meals as I got hungry. But even though I had a little extra, it was a little enough amount of food that if I continued to eat that way I would lose weight. Today, day two, I also took a little extra food. But a little less than yesterday. And I will be having a light dinner. In time, I will get less hungry and be able to eat less food. Who knows, in time I may have the will to eat only one meal, at night, and not have my half a tuna melt in the morning. But I will not do this quickly, as recently I bought a lot of cans of tuna from the internet so I have at least a month's worth to eat before it is gone. Perhaps the goal will be to reduce the amount of food until I am ready to eat only one meal when I run out of cans of tuna. So it is going well so far. I hope the will to fast does not go away. I was able to sustain it for half a year the first time, hopefully the same will happen again.

And I started taking my two daily walks. Yesterday I saw a falcon soaring and an oriole sitting high up in a tree and singing. I love seeing uncommon birds. The common birds in my neighborhood are mourning doves which are my favorite birds, sparrows, pigeons, starlings, mockingbirds, and robins. Sometimes I see gold finches, cardinals, blue jays, and woodpeckers. There are also the hawks who often rest atop the steeple of the Church a block and a half away from our house. And of course there are the grackles who live in South Richmond Hill on the way to St. Benny's. But I have stopped walking to St. Benny's for Benediction since covid so I haven't seen them recently. I should find out if they have Benediction again over there so I could go on Thursdays as I used to go. And of course there are the songbirds who live in the bird store on Atlantic Avenue which I go past on my walks. There are other birds whose names do not come to my mind but they are not as common as those I named.

I have been bringing my best friend Julian food on Fridays. I bring him tuna salad sandwiches with celery and cucumbers and lettuce with no cheese. He wants a specific type of bread from Trader Joe's called Ezekiel Bread. I bought it once for him. But we do not eat it so it will go bad every week if I continue to buy it for him. Perhaps I will just give him the whole loaf when I bring the sandwiches to him on Fridays. I would get him the bread every week, but I can not always get a ride to Trader Joe's and it is a long walk or 5.50 for the bus fare. Julian is a charity case. I am always buying him things and he doesn't pay me back very much. For every ten dollars I spend on him he gives me one dollar back. But I don't mind. I have nothing to spend my money on anyway. I guess I could give more money to Church.

And I have started taking my cold showers again. It does strengthen the will so it goes well with fasting. And I have decided to say more prayers. Be sure to pray the whole Little Office every day except for Sunday and the Office of the Dead at night before I go to bed. And the Rosary which I always pray. Sunday is a Holiday. I go into the city for Church and after Mass we talk foe a while with my friends. There is a new man at Church named Raymond. He introduced himself to me last week, though I had seen him before. He started coming regularly a little earlier in the year. Perhaps next week we will invite him to the Donut Pub after Mass so we can talk about religion. CUP. I was thinking about these things at Church this week and during the Canon I started praying "help me to be more of a monk". So I am eating less and praying more, and having my recreation of my walks. 

I have a problem of talking to myself. Sometimes when I talk to myself I say bad things without really thinking about what I am saying until after it is said. I used to confess this until the priest told me that if it was not intentional it probably was not a sin. I do say bad things. Maybe it is the wickedness spilling over the brim of my wicked heart. But sometimes I say good things as well, does that mean my heart is good? Am I a good tree or a wicked one. Do I bear fruit? 

Blue Parakeet

I was walking around the neighborhood and I saw a bird that looked like a blue parakeet. She was with a bunch of sparrows as if they were friends. They were eating together so I watched them eating. When I came closer they flew into tree branches and I watched them for a while.

On my second walk I went to the bird store and talked a little to the owner. I saw blue parakeets there so I told him that I saw one outside flying around. And he told me how some people buy birds from him and take them outside and let them fly away. "For Good Luck". And I said how then maybe they could live in the wild. Then I wondered if the birds fly back to the bird store. So he sells them, people release them for good luck, they come back to the store and he sells them again. That would be some racket. But I like the store. It is one of my stops on my walk to Atlantic Avenue.

The Wrong Side of the Tracks

My afternoon walk is typically on the wrong side of the tracks. The tracks being the El on Jamaica Avenue. I took photos this time. The first picture is of a flower bed. My neighbor is growing the same kinds of wildflowers that I am growing. But he is tending them and weeding them and my mother does not allow me to do those things, I don't know why. So my garden is surviving on prayer and water alone, with no gardening.

I saw something interesting. Ice cream cones on the sidewalk with crackers. It was near a truck for Wise snacks on the street. I thought it was so interesting I took a picture. I guess it is for the birds.

There are two auto repair shops on Liberty Avenue. My Father used to take the car to Chris and Charlie but now he takes it to Dorgler. If you look you can see they both have the same sign with a picture of a bear.

A fuchsia flower growing on the wrong side of the tracks, in front of the house, near the road, next to a tree.

Near the end of the walk, I saw a diorama outside. There were little buildings. I took a picture. There was a drunken gnome and an angel. The man outside said his sister ruined it and I told him it was beautiful and thanked him for letting me look at it and he said sure. He was happy that I was looking at his artwork.

And the last picture is the worst. The flies like these flowers. I don't like flies. But I see them everywhere. The other day there was a fly in my room on a napkin and he was so tired that he could not move and I caught him with the napkin, brought him downstairs and threw him in the garbage and threw him away. It was only one, not seven. But I don't like flies in the house, nor moths, nor water bugs.

My dad is kind enough to let me take pictures with his camera. I hope you enjoy this photo essay about the wrong side of tracks, the part of Richmond Hill South of Jamaica Avenue and the J train.

Deja Vu

As I was walking, I passed a house with a beautiful garden. Then on the next block I saw a house with morning glories out front and I saw them. Then I walked to the next block and it was the block before once again with the same flowers, the same houses and the same everything. Deja vu? Once again as it was as it ever shall be. The devil is playing tricks on me. So I laughed at the devil and walked forward to the next block and it was different (106th ST) and then I finished my morning walk and went back on to my own home. The snare was broken, I was delivered by the hands of the Lord. When I go to meetings they try to tell me that every meeting is the same. As Nietzche believed, we are in a trap of eternal sameness. One lives and dies an infinite number of times and every lifetime is identical. Nothing ever changes. But we know this is false and we have one life to live and have free will and God is always watching us and protecting us.

Saint Michael the Archangel, defend us in battle.
Protect us from the snares of the enemy.

Protect us from deja vu.
"a glitch in the matrix?" I must have watched that movie a dozen times, rarely from the beginning. I preferred Kung Fu Hustle.
From the album Deja Vu. "Helpless". "Blue, blue windows behind the stars / Yellow moon's on the rise" written by Neil Young of Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Young.

Beware, children, the song is a snare: