Alexandra

This weekend we went to Alexandra's Christening at the Russian Orthodox Monastery. There were not a lot of people there. It was a wonderful trip. Some pictures:

An old Ford in front of the Tally-Ho Restaurant.

The Pier at Glimmer-Glass Lake. Look at the sky. The clouds were beautiful.

The bug at the Russian Monastery. Isn't she ugly? And the fruit. Are they poison? It was a wonderful ceremony. When I think of Russians I think of the schism and wonder. The adults would be presumed to be guilty of the sin of schism but the children are innocent and are baptized. So I looked at the children playing and crying and thought how they were little angels and hoped that they could hold on to God's grace for as long as possible and find the true Church before they are guilty of schism. The beautiful little children Nikolina and Alexandra.

The Noonday Demon

I remember a woman from the Hospital. She was a Russian Jew. She showed me a book called "The Noonday Demon". I thought she was a devil. She wanted to be friendly with me but she kept on clawing at my eyes. She offered me as a job tutoring her daughter. I don't know what is real. We played checkers. She had her own rules and did not tell me what the rules were while we were playing. I would try to move and she would tell me that no I was not allowed to make that move, but she never told me what the actual rules were.
Larissa
Leia

Vermin

"I am a worm and not a man." I remember reading about that phrase from the greatest of all the Psalms and the priest said that the word worm, "vermin," referred to a specific type of worm that was crimson and lived in wood and had little legs kind of like a centipede and that it was a symbol of Christ on the cross.

So when I was younger I took magic mushrooms and wandered through the woods and fell deep into darkness and sin.

When I converted I had to find my way back out of the woods. So I prayed and I wandered and I prayed. I remember wandering through the woods, chasing birds and licking mushrooms and smelling flowers, wandering blindly, praying the Rosary constantly, sometimes in tears, sometimes consumed with joy, thinking I was led by the spirit of God. Walking around, praying, carrying stones, climbing trees and fighting trees. I did many strange things, trying to be humble.

And I remember deep in the woods picking up an old rotting stick seemingly at random and breaking it in two. And I saw a red worm curled up within the wood now exposed and I thought it was the vermin that I had read about and I had encountered Christ in my prayer, the Word made flesh. The symbol in nature as I found him while wandering through the woods. I did so many strange things and now I think I am among the living. I am trying to be good now.

Listening to my parents. I want to be like a little child like Christ said we must be. Like the Little Flower, who I follow, though I stubbornly prefer my Gemma.

I am bad to my parents. I will try to honor them more and obey better. I get frustrated at the mess.

Andy

Coming out of Church after praying the Rosary before Our Lady of Guadalupe I met Andy. He was sleeping on the stoop of the Church. When I opened the door I woke him. He said hi and told me his name and I told him mine. He said he worked for the MTA and was a retired bus driver. He had a tattoo to prove it. I pointed to two cans of Keystone Ice and he said they were filled with water, not beer. He told me I was a good guy, then he said I was a great guy. He held out his hand and I shook it and then he kissed the back of my hand. I told him I was not a priest and he explained himself. Then we went our separate ways. I walked away, perhaps he entered into the Church to pray.

The Angelus bells are ringing. Behold the Haindmaiden of the Lord. Be it done unto me according to thy word.

He kissed the back of my hand like I was the king and he was my subject kissing my ring. I do not wear a ring.

I have a silver coin from China I want to have it melted into a ring to give to a girl. I want to get a golden coin from China and have it melted into a ring to use as a wedding ring for my future wife. I wonder if I will ever get married. Since I got out of the hospital I have had the desire to get married. In the land of legend it is easy. In this bourgeois world of mediocrity and well deserved pain it seems impossible. I try my best to live in the world of legend. The Angelus bells are still ringing. In the world of my dreams The Angelus bells never end. The Midnight bells chime on and on until the morning comes. The morning bells chime on and on until noon comes. The noon bells chime on and on until evening comes and the evening bells chime on and on until midnight. But I am just a poor sinner. That is how the bells sounded to St. Francis. They are silent now. They rang for almost six minutes. Not bad. They are more beautiful than the songs of the birds.

The Wedding

Father told me that I could go to the wedding so I went. I have never noticed such a subversion of the natural order as at that wedding. It was a Unitarian wedding of a Unitarian and an apostate Russian Orthodox and the minister who presided was a woman. The songs were pop music played on a classical guitar by the pied piper of the evening. I pointed out that one song was by Elton John and my brother said I was right, it was "Your Song". The Bride's Father was wearing a pink suit and was the most hen-pecked man I have ever noticed. The step-mother was balding and looked like a witch. Everything was upside down. It came to mind how one of the greatest curses is the curse to be ruled by women. On the way back at the rest stop there was what looked like a lesbian couple abusing two babies. I felt for the babies. Such monstrosities are "legal" now. I looked at the babies and smiled at them. What should I do when such things are supported by the force of law?

I am now fond of praying the Office of the Dead in front of the tabernacle in Church. The living, the living, pray to you as I do this day. Let the dead bury the dead. Often I feel as if I live among the dead and that all of the people I see are dead an nobody lives, except for a few good souls and the little children. I love little children and know that when I see them they are either little angels or little doves. The angels are the baptized and the doves are the unbaptized.

At the wedding I thought the queen was young Nicolina. I told Michael and he asked why not the other baby, Alexandria or Sasha? And I told him because she is not yet Baptized. The Christening is on September 8th. I am not sure if we are going yet. My mother wants to go. My father does not. I would rather go to Mass in the City than go to an Orthodox Christening. But I can witness the birth of a soul to the life of God, and can pray that she gets out of Orthodoxy and into Catholicism and see the angels come down from heaven to bless one of the little ones and welcome her into the kingdom of heaven with her older sister, Nicolina.