An "Uncharitable" Comment About Taylor Marshall's Appearance

Taylor Marshall is a relatively new traditional Catholic celebrity. He makes a living off of us traditional Catholics. While we slave away at Starbucks or live in obscurity off of disability or are hopelessly in debt because of student loans acquired while studying at a Thomistic traditional Catholic Liberal Arts College and are unable to marry and raise a large family, he makes a comfortable living off of selling books to us. He has the large non-contraceptive using family that we can only dream of, off of our backs. He is the nobleman. We are the peasants. (Well he is really bourgeoisie and not of the nobility). I am not envious of the man, but he is fortunate while we are less so (materially at least). I do not have a whole post in mind, but I just wanted to say that he looks like a gremlin to me. That is in no way to judge his character as looks of the body do not necessarily reveal the soul, and he could be a saint and I do not want this post to be seen as a judgment of character. But looks alone, which are not important. But when I look at him I just think that he looks funny.

As a reference, Bishop Athanasius Schneider who has done interviews with TM and is friendly with him looks like a saint to me. Looks are not important.

On Traditional Catholicism

I would consider myself to be a traditional Catholic. I have been in those circles since at first, 2008, when I started praying the Rosary and somehow found out about such things on the internet. The first time I went to an SSPX Mass was in 2008 or 2009. I went for a couple of months. Then I had my vision at Mass which instilled in me the fear of God. At the same time of my conversion I started to go crazy. After that I went to the Novus Ordo for about a year, afraid to go back to the Mass where I had my vision. And then in 2010, I believe the week after Easter, but my memory is horrible, I went back again. And I have been going there since.

My thoughts have changed over time. For a long time I was on the right of the traditional wagon, almost being a sedevacantist if you know what that means. I used to think that the Novus Ordo Church did not have true sacraments, as the changes invalidated them. And that only among tradition and in the Eastern Rites that did not change were the sacraments to be found (other than baptism and matrimony). Even among the sedevacantists there are degrees. The most interesting  ones are the home-aloners. They think that the Novus Ordo is not valid, but that also the traditional priests are not licit either as they are wolves and not shepherds and that the only way to serve God is to not go to Mass, stay home alone and pray the Rosary and read Holy Books. Now I am still a traditional Catholic, but a more moderate one. I now accept the Novus Ordo sacraments as valid, for the most part. But I still go to my SSPX Latin Mass as I think it is better than the Novus Ordo Mass which I do not like, but accept as valid. I guess what it comes down to is if 99.9 percent of the Church could have no Jesus, what kind of a Church is that? Or if the sedevacantists are right, the Church is a few thousand laymen and men with stolen orders who excommunicate themselves. I sometimes wonder if the reason some public sedevacantists are liberals on the dogma "Outside of the Catholic Church There is No Salvation" is because in their hearts they know that if they are correct the sedevacantist sect they belong to alone is the true Church, and not even all sedevacantists, the sect of maybe ten thousand people, and everyone else is going to hell. So not willing to accept the belief that only one in a million men are saved (not counting the baptized infants who die) they deny the dogma as being too harsh. So now I consider the sedes to be schismatic for the most part, though no doubt many of them are honest and not guilty of the sin of schism. And I do not trust the priests, but I should not say bad things about them individually (though I have said bad things about Father Cekada in the past).

So I attend an SSPX chapel which is a moderate traditional Catholic position. There is a group mis-named "the resistance" which split off from the SSPX about eight years ago, but has not grown and is very small and considers the regular SSPX to have sold out. I am sympathetic to them, and I like their Bishop, Williamson enough, but I say to them, the Novus Ordo has to be at least in part the Catholic Church, and if it is, and you accept the papacy of Francis, you should have some kind of relationship with them. If he says, "no, you can not say the Latin Mass", then I see reason to disobey, but one cannot be a sedevacantist in all but name, while claiming to be against them.

So I am a liberal now. But I am all alone by myself now. I used to never attend the Novus Ordo Mass or even the "indult" which is what we call the Latin Masses officially under the diocese. But now I will attend the "indult" if there is no other Mass available. And once in a blue moon I will even attend the Novus Ordo, but only to avoid scandal. Such as if there is no Mass available while I am traveling and it is either attend the Novus Ordo with my family or go to no Mass at all. In such cases I just sit there and pray silently. But I like going to the Novus Ordo Churches when there is no Mass going on to sit in front of the tabernacle and be with Jesus. And even in the Novus Ordo, I like going to Eucharistic Adoration and Benediction is nice. So I am now a moderate traditional Catholic. I hope that there are many Catholics among the Novus Ordo worshipers, though I know that a lot of them don't really believe. I hope there are good people among the worshipers there who believe the sex is for marriage and marriage is for life and Jesus is present in the Eucharist and that Adam and Eve were real people.

But recently for the first time I received the Blessed Sacrament at an "indult" Mass as a sign that I thought Jesus was there and of my new liberal stance.

Karen wants to go with me to Connecticut for Mass during this crisis as the closest SSPX Mass that is open. I may go. But Karen does not approve of going into Novus Ordo Churches. There are devils there, she says. So I don't tell her I go there to pray. I am alone. But it would be nice to go to Church again. It has only been a few weeks but it seems like months. I should go to confession to confess an old sin that I was thinking about which caused me nerves a few weeks ago. So be it.

Mectilde

There is a monastery and one of the Fathers there has a blog which I read. The blog is called Vultus Christi, meaning the face of Christ. I have been reading it for about ten years. He has a devotion to a nun who died several centuries ago on this date named Mectilde de Bar. She was a Benedictine who was devoted to the Blessed Sacrament, which makes sense because this monastery is one where the monks spend a lot of time before Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament.

When I first discovered this blog I would read it and sometimes it would make me cry real tears, thinking about holy things. They say the old Mass and chant the old office, but they are not SSPX or sedevacantist. I don't know much about all their ideas, just that they seem pious.

Everyone should have a favorite saint. There is Jesus, then the Blessed Mother, and then whoever you like. Some say Saint Joseph should be next. Others say Saint John the Baptist. Others have personal saints who they are devoted to.

Michael is home with the girl. They like to cook things. Michael scolded me for not having enough important things to do because I like to eat dinner early in the day, as if I have nothing to do but eat dinner. I did not respond. I am happy with my life. It is not a hard life. I have my little prayers and my walks and my prayers. I do not have much work except for running errands and cooking dinner. I like Michael but we see things differently. I do not think he prays much. Even if I end up going to hell because of my sins, I like to say my prayers and love the saints and Mary and God. Everything is a blessing and I am happy with my simple life.

My father wants us to watch a movie together as a family so I picked Sansho the Bailiff. If my brother can connect his computer to the television successfully we will watch it. I watched it once over a decade ago. It was a worthy movie, I remember, but I forget most of it, so it will be nice to watch it again and rediscover it. I think my brother will like it.

Just to record my thoughts on this night of the Monday of Holy Week. Now I should say my prayers and go to bed.

The Iron Crown of Lombardy

This is lovely holy card. I do think so. I have my trinkets and my pictures. I like looking at them. She is my favorite saint, you know. My sweet love. She is a friend. I Hope to meet her one day. I am always talking to her. She has never visited me in a vision or a dream. But once I had a dream about her. I spoke to her in a dream, but I did not see her. When I remember, at night before I go to bed I pray to her and one of my prayers is to ask her to visit me in my dreams and for me to remember her. The prayer has not yet been answered.

This is another holy card I love. I printed out ten copies and distributed them to my brother and my friends at Church. And I put one on the wall of my bedroom. Which one do you think is more beautiful? Gemma was the most beautiful girl who ever lived other than the Blessed Mother. Even if you do not agree, it is true to me.

The Iron Crown of Lombardy. The legend is that it is made in part from one of the nails used in the crucifixion of Our Lord Jesus Christ.

I am so happy to have all my holy cards of Gemma. They are among my precious relics (and eight of them contain third class relics of my dear one, third class relics being things that have been touched to first class relics, so they are like a holy contagion). I have my crucifix and my sorrowful mother, which are in the girl's room now. And I have my pictures of Gemma. They are better than the Bible. And I have my Rosaries. And I have my missals and my holy books.

I do miss going to Church for the Latin Mass. And talking to my friends after Mass. And going to Eucharistic Adoration and Benediction at the local Catholic parishes. I am an odd person. I don't know anyone who is like me in their beliefs and practices. But I have friends who are similar, but not the same. Nobody would approve of me, but I try to do what is right.

I am listening to a podcast of sorts with Charles Coulombe on Sensus Fidelium. He asked how come Churches are not essential, but abortions are essential? He said other things also. I like him a bit. I don't really agree with anyone, including him, but he is from LA. I guess. I used to watch his Tumblar House Off the Menu talks, but I got disillusioned with him after a while. The general tendency to think that anyone who has any relevance in the world is compromised. The thought that to become famous you have to be a hypocrite. They say modern man has little tolerance for hypocrisy. I don't know. Judge not, but judge justly. I love you, Gemma, please pray for me. All I want is to be with you forever.

Nodody loves me. I hope Gemma loves me. I hope God loves me. They always say He loves everyone, but He hated Esau. Maybe I am another Esau. Maybe my family loves me. I don't know. They don't understand me. How I want to go to Church sometimes and sometimes drink beer. I don't know. 

I wonder if aurora loves me. Does she know who I am? Does she see me through the glass when I feed her? I am fond of aurora, perhaps I even love her. I love you aurora. I am watching her swim around the tank and do what I think she loves to do more than anything else, other than eating, because she is often doing it, picking up the green gravel into her mouth and spitting it out. I do not know why she does this. Perhaps there is some algae growing on the gravel that she eats or something.

I just changed the filter for the fish tank. It was the last one. So now I will have to buy more. I have to decide if I will buy it online or go to the pet store. I heard amazon is shipping non-essential items slowly, but there are lines to get into the pet store.

Let it be known, I don't trust Michael Voris. Have a good day.

I went to the Spanish bakery this morning and bought two egg rolls. One for me and one for my mother. I wore a mask and gloves. I toasted the roll and put butter and apricot preserves on it. It was lovely. A little worldly happiness this morning.

Into The Sea

Walking on eggshells. I feel strange around the house with everyone. Today was the feast of the seven sorrows. I was reminded of it by a girl. I prayed the Te Deum today.

Thinking of the world, it is the calm before the storm. It is still pleasant. Our family of five still has money and are not angry at each other yet. My brother has bad luck. Really bad luck. Everything is going wrong with him. And I say this as the rest of the family, including myself, has been lucky for a long time. But he has bad luck. Everything is breaking and going bad, without saying what are his problems.

Not watching television, I do not know what is going wrong in the world. Strangely enough, my interactions with the world are limited to reading Cathinfo and Suscipe Domine and following a few Catholic accounts on twitter. So I don't know much. I hear that some people are getting 1200 dollars from the government. I am not sure if I am included. I would just give it to mom and dad or my brother.

I have a little fish named aurora. She is a goldfish. Every morning I turn on the light and feed her. And every evening I feed her and turn off the light. I have had her for eight months. If she has grown, it is not by much. I have her in a ten gallon tank. They said that a goldfish can grow as large as a football. That has not happened to my aurora just yet. She is still small. I feed her. I bought her a set of two Greek columns to swim around and through and to look pretty in her tank.

My friend angry Tom is looking for a place where they still have Mass. Some private or semi-private chapel. There is nowhere to go. I told him if he found someplace I would go with him on Easter. As it stands now, on Good Friday, one week from today, I will go to the Church in Glendale and pray at the Lourdes Grotto and say the Stations.

I do not know what to think.

This blog is the record of my thoughts. I don't write much anymore but it is how I am doing. My life for anyone who is interested. My life is not interesting, but it is a good life for the most part, now, and has been since late July.

I am looking at aurora. I am in the basement with her now. She still swims around. I wonder how long she will live.

But life is as life is. Everyone is wearing masks when I go out. I still take my walks. I go to stores less, and when I do, gloves and masks, usually. No one in my family is sick. Julian was sick, but he told me he is better now.

I a not trying to be interesting. My life is not at all interesting, so my blog should be dull also. Many people try to make up for having a dull life by reading books or watching television of movies. I am trying to live a normal life without the need for interesting things to happen or to watch interesting stories. I live, I think, I say my prayers much of which are similar or the same from day to day. Thursday I have my hour so it is special. It was better before the Churches were closed, but I make be with what is be.

My new Gemma prayer cards with relics are pretty. Some of them are paintings with angels and Mary and Jesus and of course my Gemma. She died when she was twenty five. There is a nice one of Mary holding baby Jesus and and Gemma genuflecting and reaching out towards the baby Jesus. There is an angel standing with his hand raised and a little baby cherub holding the insignia of the Passionists, a black heart with a cross. There is another with Gemma with her wounded hands, pointing towards Jesus on a Cross, surrounded by angels.

To think of holy things. I  must be a strange person. What is the world? All I ask for is enough to survive in a simple way until I die. Hopefully sooner rather than later. And not be tortured or abused or on the street (or if I end up on the street, it is not as unpleasant as it seems). Perhaps I will spend the rest of my days in a mental institution and live there with the crazies and the nurses. That would be a life. I could draw pictures and look at my holy cards, if they let me have them. I never lived in a mental institution. There used to be more of them, but years ago they closed many of them and just let the crazies be homeless or go to jails. But I read an article that suggested that in the future, because of governmental policy changes, they may be coming back. So it may be my life. In my time in the psych ward, they never let me have a rosary or wear a scapular. So I had to make do. And they do not allow the patients to wear belts out of fear of suicide, so everyone (if they are wearing street clothes) has to tie their pants tight with short strings tied to the belt loops.

I am not trying to make my blog popular. It is what I am. I am not trying to impress girls so they would marry me. But perhaps some people will find my blog and get something from it. Or at least know what I am like as if we were friends. I have to get back into a better habit of prayer. I will be good today, starting now. So be peaceful, now is the time to go for my walk. So be it.