Ben Is Dead Now

 Julian is home from the nursing home. It has been three weeks. On Fridays I have been bringing him two tuna salad sandwiches. Tuna with mayonnaise and celery and cucumbers on whole wheat bread with lettuce. I get the tuna in olive oil, not the cheap kind, but also not the most expensive kind. And he asks me to buy him books which he may give me money for. He is always asking for things. He is blind but he wants books.

When he went into the nursing home he gave a friend of his ten boxes of his books. The friend put the boxes in his garage and they got moldy. Eight of the ten boxes of books got so bad that the friend threw them away and now most of the books are gone. So Julian wants to get back some of those books. Julian is always asking for things. He calls often and often asks me to look for things online. Religious books. Some St. Philomena oil. I bought him two books. He said he would pay me back. I don't mind buying him things as I have no use for my money at the moment, but my parents don't like it.

He moved in with his sisters and his nephew. The apartment is six blocks from my house underneath the elevated subway train. So I can walk to see him whenever. I went three times with his books and the tuna.

Ben died. He was a sedevacantist. I did not hear of it in time to go to the funeral. He was married to his Filipino wife by Father Cekada. A sedevacantist Bishop I had never heard of said his funeral Mass in New Jersey.  Like flies. I will tell Julian about his passing.

The Fly

 

Today is Friday. I go to Eucharistic Adoration and Benediction at the local Church. In case Jesus is still there, I go to honor Him. At three I pray the stations in front of the monstrance and then I pray the Rosary. Fifteen decades. There is the fly. The devil comes to bother me for a few moments, buzzing around my ears. I finish praying and go home. At six thirty I go for Benediction. I pray and think and meditate and pray. The fly returns. The devil buzzes around me ears. To and fro, here and there. Just before the ceremony begins, the fly lands on my right hand. I feel him. I do not move. Then the fly goes away, the devil buzzes around my ears. I look at Jesus, if Jesus is still really there. I think He is. Julian does not. Julian once told me that his mother used to go to Benediction and one time she told him that when she looked at the monstrance she did not see the face of Jesus, but instead she saw the face of the devil. I think Jesus is there. But if he is not the devil can not harm me. I am not afraid of the devil. Sometimes I fear God's justice. That I have sinned so much that I cannot be forgiven. But usually I am fine. I pray to Jesus and to Mary and to Gemma.

Being visited by flies as I pray in the Church is a recurring theme. It is never a fly. It is the devil. The Lord of the Flies. He wants to distract me or to make me afraid.

It is something I have been doing since I got out of the hospital. I do not like the Novus Ordo. But I think it is valid. So Jesus is really there. So if I go before Jesus in the tabernacle it is good. And I keep Him company. In the Novus Ordo there are not that many who have the true faith and love Jesus. So I will love Him. But I do not want to go the the Novus Ordo Mass because I think it is bad. So I walk the line. Cross myself as I pass the Church, and genuflect before the tabernacle.

My uncle George is a Russian Orthodox. But he belongs to a strict Church. He is not in Communion with most of the other Churches in Orthodoxy. We went to his granddaughter's baptism at a monastery and he spoke about how he sung at the ceremonies but did not go to Communion because he was not in Communion with the monastery where his granddaughter was baptized. And he thought the schism was getting out of hand and it would be better if all the sects would be in Communion with each other. But not under Rome. It seems all the Orthodox share a distrust of the Pope and Rome.

My uncle's mother just died. She was orthodox. EENS. So she is in hell most likely. I heard on one of the forums that the Orthodox do not have their own version of EENS, so they hold that those outside of orthodoxy might be saved. But they are territorial and prone to schism. Charles Coulombe says that In the West we will accept any amount of heresy but no schism, but in the East they will accept any amount of schism but no heresy. And both halves of what should be the one united Church are meant to be corrective of each other's tendencies. Mithrandylan once said on one of the forums that he used to watch all of Charles Coulombe's lectures with Professor Biersach and he watched hours and hours and he thought they were enlightening, but later on after he became a more knowledgeable Catholic, that he couldn't think of a single important thing he learned from those lectures.

It is the devil. The fly. I do really believe in the devil. I do not want to be a witch but I believe they are real. I do not know what powers witches have, but I think their powers are increased greatly now that there are so few good Christians and so many abortions. As man abandons God, God abandons the people to the witches and the vampires. I do wonder if the end of the world is near. I think it is. But Tom says that the Garabandal warning will come first. But Joey Lomangino died blind. And then the Consecration of Russia and then the period of peace and only then the end of the world. I am not so hopeful. I fear the end is nigh. And the antichrist is here and the mark of the beast is the vaccine or something related to it. I told Tom that I would give him twenty dollars if the Warning happened while we were still alive and together in this valley of tears. The warning. What would you do if you could see the state of your soul as it was before the judgement seat of Jesus Christ? Would you go to confession? Or would you hate God even more. I fear many will hate God even more.

So I am home and tomorrow we are going to the orthodox funeral to pay our respects. In this world of pain. I saw a fly and he landed on my right hand in Church as I was looking at Jesus.

Merry Christmas

 Today is Christmas Day. Went to Church. Mass was in a new location in Soho. As we do not have a real Church, but have Mass in a rented room. There were only about ten people. I think some did not know where it was. The smallest crowd I have ever seen there. But some people moved away. I was wondering where the lovely Helena and her sister Olivia have been as we haven't seen them in a while. They may be home from school. We did not have the normal vestments or chalice or crucifix or all the holy things. Father brought a travelling Mass kit with him to say Mass. We tried to sing the Alma Redemptoris Mater. At first we had trouble, but then after we got going we did a decent job. I remember most of the melody but not the words. So Tom had it written down and we were able to sing it. I don't know why we all know the Salve Regina, but not the other Marian songs.

Now Mom is cooking dinner. I am helping. We are having a turkey. Then we will open our presents.

Tom's Tumors

 I dreamed about Tom from Church. We were playing a game similar to bowling and it was his turn but he was not there. I went to look for him and I found him and he said "look at my tumors" and I could see tumors on his hands and he showed me his midsection where there were also tumors. They looked green and showed through the skin. Then he said "If I go to hell I will hate you forever." And I said "No! I will love you forever. I will love you forever."

Subway Troubles

 I was late to Mass today. I got there around the confiteor. But the troubles were after Mass. After Mass we went out and talked for a couple of hours over food and coffee. We like to talk. And then we went to the subway. I got on the 6 at 42nd street and took it to 51st st to get the E. When I got off the E was not stopping at that station. When that happens I sometimes go downtown to catch the J or uptown to catch the R. I went downtown. Got on the 6 and took it to Canal St to transfer to the J. When I got onto the J platform the J was not running on that station. So what now? My plan was to take the R to Queens and then transfer to the E or F. So I saw the N was on the track and the N goes to the R so I ran into the N just before the doors closed. Once on the train, I learned that it was going the wrong way and went over the Manhattan Bridge into Brooklyn. It had already been a long time in my travels. On the next stop I got out and went to the Manhattan-bound side of the station. The Q train came and it is Express so I got on the Q and decided to take it to 63rd st and Lex and transfer there to the F. When I got to 63rd st the E was on it's way as the E was running on the F line and I got on the E. I decided to take the E to Jamaica and then get on the J to go home instead of taking the bus from Union Turnpike. At Continental Avenue the train stopped for ten minutes for some reason. Then it resumed and went to Jamaica. At the station I transferred to the J and it came quickly and soon I was home. The train ride took, from when I first got on the 6 train platform until I got home, about 2 hours and 10 minutes. When all is running well and the E train is running express it takes about 30 minutes. So my adventure was about an hour and forty minute delay. Now I am tired. But it was good to go to Mass and Communion, though I was not able to go to Confession. Hopefully next week.