A Ghost on a String

A Ghost on a String. I think I am alive. But I do not understand the world. I am not wise. I am a fool who knows nothing and lets everyone bleed me until my veins are dry. But I have hope. Despair was a bitter pill, but I do not feel that way right now. When I was in the hospital I thought I was in Limbo and then I thought I had descended into hell and then I escaped. The onion did not break on me. I was there for three weeks. I thought it was one. What did I do in all those times that were erased from my memory? My parents visited me every day. Was I alone? Were all of the other inmates phantasms, imaginary people who did not really exist or were they demons or were they lost souls? Were they all just ghosts on a string? Or were they real? Who is real? I do not even know what I am doing. Reality is something I can not grasp. Everything is enchanted. Are my eyes open or am I blind? The doctor from Cornell was there with all the other lost souls and he said of me that I was the most innocent person there. He could read my soul. Everyone can read my soul. My Father told me that people could smell my naivete. I do not think that is true. I do not think I am naive. S'Blood! But I know enough to know that they can smell it. I can not smell but I have eyes. I do not understand. There were a few people in my life. Should I reach out to them? Does anyone ever think about me? And most of my old friends were (Secret).

I saw Andrea and we had a wonderful time. Laughter is the best medicine (laughter and tears). I never had a lot of friends. Who would want to talk to me now? I have so little experience. I have Church friends. They are good, The older folks are carrying heavy crosses. But there are some who are young. The Lovely Helena should be coming back to New York soon. She is perfect. And Cecilia is so very beautiful. And Marie Therese has the perfect name. I have to get my act together. I am out of the hospital. Now I have to grow up and stop being a child. Hopefully I get work soon or learn how to multiply loaves so I can support myself somehow. I don't have a lot of connections. I don't know people who can get me ahead in life. But I am alive. That is more important than having work.